When I went through my crisis of faith I heard a number of different accusations about the Church that I now group under the label of "self-deception". I include in this accusations of belonging to a cult, indoctrination, suppression of thought, blind obedience, and anti-intellectualism. Along with these is the concept of confirmation bias, the idea that people tend to favor information that confirms their beliefs. It is the accusation of not being willing or able to admit the truth of something because it conflicts with our beliefs. Also in this group is the accusation that members spiritual experiences are really just emotion, or were imagined in order to justify belief in things that do not rationally make sense. The member is accused of only having “good feelings” about the church because it is what is most comfortable and that is how they were raised. The follow up to that is the idea that we can’t trust our feelings because they can be deceptive.
These accusations of self-deception are powerful because it attacks the very core of our beliefs and who we are. It is especially effective because it devalues any defense that the accused wants to respond with. It is however just another tactic of Satan.
It is helpful to recognize the critics motivation behind such accusations. It is not in my opinion a sinister motivation, but a logical conclusion. If they do not believe in God or that our Church is true, the only conclusion from their set of beliefs is that our spiritual experiences must be the result of self-deception. They are simply trying reconcile their beliefs with a number of things that if true, would destroy their belief system. Among these is having to explain millions of members testimonies of the Book of Mormon, prayers answered, and spiritual experiences. They are trying to explain millions of members devotion to the Church and willingness to follow the prophet.
But our witness of the Gospel can be, and must be, independent of others. How can another person deny our experience, if they have not experienced it themselves? The following parable told by Elder Douglas Callister may be helpful:
“Years ago a man was accused of a serious crime. The prosecution presented three witnesses, each of whom saw the man commit the crime. The defense then presented three witnesses, none of whom had seen its commission. The simple jury was confused. Based on the number of witnesses, the evidence seemed to the jury equally divided. The man was acquitted. It was irrelevant, of course, that untold millions had never seen the crime. There needed to be only one witness. In the genius of the gospel plan, there ultimately only has to be one witness, but that witness must be you.”
Just because one person denies that something can happen does not prove that it can not. Elder Callister continues that “truth has never been determined by the number of people that embrace it.”
Elder Oaks teaches that critics accuse members of blind obedience because they fail to understand the reality of personal revelation. “When it comes to learning and knowing the truth of the gospel—our personal testimonies—we each have a direct relationship with God, our Eternal Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ, through the powerful witness of the Holy Ghost. It puzzles [our critics] that we can be united in following our leaders and yet independent in knowing for ourselves.
It is normal that our faith should be challenged, it contributes to the growth we have been sent to this earth for. These accusations are not new. Laman and Lemuel complained against their Father’s visions and decision to leave Jerusalem, claiming they were because of the “foolish imaginations” of his heart. And Korihor does a classic example of calling members of Christ's church as belonging to a cult.
When I first heard accusations like these it caused me to doubt my own spiritual experiences. I sometimes felt like I had regain a knowledge that the Church was true, but I wasn't allowed to use Moroni's promise in order to prove it. I became overly concerned with analyzing myself to prove to myself, God, and others that I was not self-deceived.
Eventually I realized that I was never going to be able to prove it to others that I was not self-deceived. Others can always say the "Mormon way" of revelation does not work because it is impossible to extracate "confirmation bias" from the approach. But it does not matter what they think, and I just have to be comfortable with others judging me. Isaiah taught: “Fear ye not the reproach of men, neither be ye afraid of their revilings.”
But how do I prove it to myself? How do I know that I am right before God as well?
The first that helped me was to pray. I poured out my soul to God, letting him know how badly I wanted to do his will, and the complexities of the thoughts that I was having. One of the first ways I realize now that he answered me was by teaching me the thoughts that I have shared in post. I have found that God most often answers my prayers not a with a big YES or NO and a strong feeling. I find he will teach me line upon line. So that instead of just saying like a bad parent "its true because I said so" he helps me gradually understand why it is true. And those answers will come quietly through the spirit as we seek them from the scriptures, listen in Church and General Conference, and as we ponder deeply the doctrine.
Eventually I did receive a powerful spiritual witness specifically addressing my concerns about being self-deceived. I know it was from God, and I rejoice in him and in his mercy. I know that he cares deeply about the questions we have, and our sincere desires for testimony.
Every once and a while I will still have doubt. What if I am self-deceived? What if my answers were imagined? When this happens I must use faith to bridge that gap. You can look at any spiritual experience with logic and find a way to go: "well you know, what you experienced could just be XY or Z". So how do you know its not XYZ? That is where faith comes in. We have to choose to believe it is from God. I have shared before that the holy ghost gives knowledge, perfect knowledge, that still requires faith to act upon it. So of course there is always XY and Z. We are here to develop faith, and the Holy Ghost is designed for us to know the truth, but still require faith to act upon it.
I choose to exercise faith that my answers are from God. If in the moment I can not say "I know it is true", than I exercise faith. I remember the past spiritual experiences and joys, and look forward with hope towards all the promised blessings that God has given. I have long since found spiritual strength from Bishop Edgley's talk entitled Faith-The Choice is Yours.
Another line of thought that has sometimes been helpful in these moments is considering the alternative. Some of these thoughts include: If this is not God's Church, where else would I go? I do not think I could believe in God if this was not his Church. If there is no God, and this is the only life, what's the worst that can happen? It does not seem a waste to me to believe in something that is not true, as long as it makes my one life happy.
I again leave my witness that this is the Lord's Church. I share my experience that he will specifically address any concerns that you have about your testimony. And I testify that he does give spiritual answers to rational questions.
The first that helped me was to pray. I poured out my soul to God, letting him know how badly I wanted to do his will, and the complexities of the thoughts that I was having. One of the first ways I realize now that he answered me was by teaching me the thoughts that I have shared in post. I have found that God most often answers my prayers not a with a big YES or NO and a strong feeling. I find he will teach me line upon line. So that instead of just saying like a bad parent "its true because I said so" he helps me gradually understand why it is true. And those answers will come quietly through the spirit as we seek them from the scriptures, listen in Church and General Conference, and as we ponder deeply the doctrine.
Eventually I did receive a powerful spiritual witness specifically addressing my concerns about being self-deceived. I know it was from God, and I rejoice in him and in his mercy. I know that he cares deeply about the questions we have, and our sincere desires for testimony.
Every once and a while I will still have doubt. What if I am self-deceived? What if my answers were imagined? When this happens I must use faith to bridge that gap. You can look at any spiritual experience with logic and find a way to go: "well you know, what you experienced could just be XY or Z". So how do you know its not XYZ? That is where faith comes in. We have to choose to believe it is from God. I have shared before that the holy ghost gives knowledge, perfect knowledge, that still requires faith to act upon it. So of course there is always XY and Z. We are here to develop faith, and the Holy Ghost is designed for us to know the truth, but still require faith to act upon it.
I choose to exercise faith that my answers are from God. If in the moment I can not say "I know it is true", than I exercise faith. I remember the past spiritual experiences and joys, and look forward with hope towards all the promised blessings that God has given. I have long since found spiritual strength from Bishop Edgley's talk entitled Faith-The Choice is Yours.
Another line of thought that has sometimes been helpful in these moments is considering the alternative. Some of these thoughts include: If this is not God's Church, where else would I go? I do not think I could believe in God if this was not his Church. If there is no God, and this is the only life, what's the worst that can happen? It does not seem a waste to me to believe in something that is not true, as long as it makes my one life happy.
I again leave my witness that this is the Lord's Church. I share my experience that he will specifically address any concerns that you have about your testimony. And I testify that he does give spiritual answers to rational questions.
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